For her, this isn't even the point.


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Yet she still feels upset and rejected if connections fizzle or men don't reply. And here's the rub. The opportunities seem endless. But as author and human behaviouralist Alfie Kohn points out, being on countless apps can signal a potential risk of dating addiction. You spend part of your time trying to recover from, and make sense, of all these lovely people who won't give you the time of day, then the rest avoiding people you have no interest in.

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It can take over your life. So the very apps that are designed in order to help people to meet, are actually doing the opposite. The US Association of Psychological Science found that reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they would in a face-to-face meeting. When I was single, after my long-term relationship with the father of three of my four children broke up after many years, I spent a couple of years online.

Even though, three years ago, there were nowhere near as many apps as there are now, I understand how obsessive it can get. I think I almost lived for checking my dating sites, spending hours "talking" to men I ended up never actually meeting. It certainly staved off loneliness, and felt safer in many ways than risking a date, face-to-face, for which I had to grow a pretty thick skin. The rejection is tough on both sides - the men you think sound wonderful but when you meet them they are not what they seem, or maybe you like them but they don't like you.

I eventually met my husband via Facebook we had mutual friends, but soon moved our connection into the real world. My best friend met his now wife on Tinder. So success stories do happen, but they're outnumbered by the thousands of singles having more of a relationship with their phones than with each other. In my work as a relationship therapist and love coach, I meet clients of plus of both sexes who are obsessively dating.

Love Addiction, Codependency & Internet Dating

You are a happily married woman out for dinner with your husband. He leaves his phone on the table while he goes to choose the wine, and a message flashes up on the screen.


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Some of them live in the same block as you. Sex addiction wrecks families, destroys relationships and burns careers. And it is behaviour that counsellors are seeing more of, thanks to the increased use of dating apps.

The Sydney Morning Herald

That marks a 30 per cent increase on the previous year. Markham says she and her colleagues are seeing the first wave of people losing their jobs — as well as their marriages and children — as a result of sex addiction, which is enabled by hook-up apps such as Tinder, Blendr and the like.

A sex addict might be sitting at work, and rather than focusing on the meeting the deadline for a presentation, he or she is engrossed in a dating app. Perhaps less discussed, but equally enabled by dating apps, is love addiction — the compulsive and chronic pursuit of romantic love. A love addict is addicted to the high created by infatuation seen in the early days of a relationship.

It was previously thought that love addiction was more of an issue among women, but it seems men are equally susceptible. A typical pattern for a sex addict on Tinder might be to delete the app because they feel guilt, remorse and shame over the fact that they may have had as many as 10, 15 or even 20 partners over a four-week period. After a bad day at work, or when they are bored at home, they might download the app another time, and the cycle starts all over again.

In a study last year of dating app use in Hong Kong by the US National Centre for Biotechnology Information, 40 per cent of those surveyed who met a partner online had sex on the first date. Fuelled by the rise of dating apps, sex addiction and the increasingly reckless behaviour associated with it — such as having unprotected sex — is leading to an increase in HIV rates. As the addiction progresses, it becomes less about the enjoyment and more about numbing the pain. Like many addictions, sex addiction is about acting in isolation, Markham says. The Cabin is treating people ranging in age from 18 to those in their senior years.

Someone might come to a treatment centre for alcoholism, but it turns out that sex addiction is the underlying problem. Users answer a series of questions and then an app matches them with people who give the same answers. It turns into a quiz and is really absorbing. Many people start perceiving dating apps as game apps. They forget that there are real people hiding behind the profile photos. You set some search parameters and then study the profiles of the proposed matches.

The Treatment for Online Dating Addiction

Yet, there is a spirit of competition that encourages people to pay for extra features to get their profiles to the top to get more views. The developers of the new generation of dating apps have realized that people are too focused on the dating game itself rather than on meeting people. They condemn the swiping culture and want to emphasize that a dating app is a tool for securing a date, not for endless chatting and flirting without any progress.

Such dating apps as Clover, Pure, or HowAboutWe minimize the time spent on virtual chit-chat and help people find themselves on a date shortly after exchanging several messages or right after agreeing to meet in a particular place at a particular time. Endless resources infer endless searches. This is how the dating industry can be characterized in a nutshell.

And this is what facilitates an Internet dating site addiction.

Love Addiction, Codependency & Internet Dating

The compulsive use of dating services changes your attitude to relationships. You stop perceiving each of your partners as unique. In 10 minutes, you can not only see hundreds of girls from different cities and countries but also scan their profiles. In real life, it would take you a year.

Online Dating Addictions

The desire to woo and win a girl disappears — you know there are other single women out there. The abundance of choice leads to emotional burnout. According to psychologists and anthropologists, people are able to maintain a close emotional connection with not more than people. Today, thanks to the Internet, you can communicate with a lot more people. Why do people get addicted to online dating and the process of meeting new people?

The answer is simple: Online dating is replete with illusions. At the stage of online communication, people tend to mentally adjust their online dates to their ideals. In other words, they picture them they way they want them to be. When a relationship progresses, people learn the ugly truth about their partners and this is when a real relationship starts — when partners begin to accept the real personalities of their partners.

Women and men addicted to online dating want to prolong the thrill of sweet illusion, so they prefer to stay on this level of the game, simply changing the players. These online dating addiction signs should not be left out. Your compulsive usage of dating services has a detrimental effect on your personal life.